Alright ladies, let’s get into it.

First of all, can you believe it’s already 2024? 🎉

I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas and New Year (if you celebrated), that you were able to recharge and spend time with family, and hopefully, also got a much-needed detox from social media.

Now that we’ve got a fresh 360ish days before us, it’s time to get back to work.

On ourselves, that is.

I thought to myself, what better way to start off the new year than to go back and explore the raw foundations of who we are as women? Who we are, and the beauty of our lives and all its potential, and NOT in relation to or in the context of relationships?

Because you see, that’s the exact season I’m navigating right now. And I’m not gonna lie—it’s fucking hard.

A Decade of Relationships

For those who don’t know my story, I was in a relationship with my daughter’s father for about 5 years.

We traveled and lived in several countries together, went through the most insane ups and downs, were basically inseparable—but unfortunately, just were not cut out to be parents together as we ended up splitting shortly after we had our daughter. (That’s not what this episode’s about, but if you want to learn more, I talk a lot about my story and intentional motherhood on my TikTok.)

Before that 5-year relationship, I was in ~another~ long-term, 5-year relationship with my ex before that. So guys, that’s a total of 10 straight years of operating in a dynamic with another person…

• 10 years of always having to consider someone else’s opinions, needs, and wants aside from my own.

• 10 years of filling the role of what I thought was a good girlfriend and wife.

• 10 years of—quite frankly—putting my own needs aside because I was very much a people-pleaser and counted on my partner’s validation of me to feel any sort of worth.

No wonder being single has felt so debilitating. I’m not used to it.

I’m literally, as we speak, relearning how to stand on my own two feet again. It’s not that I was a complete doormat or didn’t have my own life in those two relationships—I did—it’s just that “my world”, and what I did, and my goals and ambitions were always tied to my partner’s.

And while my now over a year of celibacy did have a rough start—I got on dating apps right away and wasted hours on mind-numbing, superficial conversations with guys I knew deep down I would never even entertain in real life, simply because I was lonely—I have since come to realize how critical and transformational the experience of singlehood can be.

It’s the first time in a long time that I’m able to catch my breath. Actually check in with myself for once, get clear on my goals, desires, likes & dislikes, and preferences…

And most importantly, it’s forced me to confront the hard truth that I was in my relationships for the wrong reasons.

Sure, I loved the other person. That was why I was with them for as long as I was. But deep down, I knew I was deriving my sense of value from them. And it’s taken a lot of self-reflection, healing, and inner work to get really honest about that. I stayed, and I stuck around, and I forced myself, at times, to contradict who I was and cross my own boundaries and values because I was afraid of being alone. Because being with someone else, and them choosing to be with me, meant that they must see some sort of value in me, and therefore I was valuable.

I was in my relationships because it made me feel worthy.

You’ll know from my other post, The Art of Validating Yourself, that this line of thinking is complete bullshit. And what a shame I’ve come to realize this so late in my life.

It’s not other people’s high opinions of me, or my degrees, or accolades, or praise from the world that makes me valuable. (And that’s not their job either. What an unfair, insane burden to put on another person.) The truth is, I’m already fucking valuable, on my own, as I am. We are all BORN with our value. By simply being humans on this earth, with a soul and a consciousness, we are valuable. Innately and inherently worthy.

Being single, and TRULY single—as in, not even dating at the moment so I can focus on my career, this platform, and my daughter—was rough at first, but ended up being exactly what I needed.

It’s shown me that I don’t need someone else in order to live a full and happy life. That I am pretty badass on my own. That I can still enjoy myself and my own company. And that if I do choose to let someone else share an experience with me, romantically or otherwise, they better be bringing some sort of value or adding something TO my life, because I’ve now gotten so accustomed to giving myself 100%, that why would I accept anything less from anyone else?

Being single has shown me that I am fully, 100% capable of providing myself the love, affection, support, and validation I spent 10 years chasing outside of me.

It’s shown me that I am the one I’ve been waiting for.

YouTuber Rowena Tsai puts it perfectly:

It’s you, my friend. It’s always been you.

And regardless if you’re currently healing from heartbreak, navigating the loneliness of long-term singlehood like me, or happily in a relationship but looking to reclaim more inner peace and independence OUTSIDE of the context of you and your partner—I can assure you that it’s never, ever, ever a wrong move to focus on and make loving yourself first a top priority.

Because when you love yourself first, validate yourself first, and nourish yourself in such a way that it’s the overflow of your own self-love that is driving your connections and relationships in life—then it doesn’t even matter what your relationship status is. Because you’re good either way.

You’re good, and you’re your own, complete human being—just as you are. You aren’t waiting around for anyone or anything to give that sense of fulfillment to you. You aren’t waiting around for your “other half” in order to be happy…

Because you’re already complete.

You are the one you’ve been waiting for.