So in case we haven’t met before…

And you’re wondering, who the hell is this chick and why should I listen to her? Quick intro.

Hi, I’m Megan.

I’m a millenial first-time mom, I have an amazing and super rambunctious 2-year old, and when I’m not sharing my experiences on single parenting, or the struggles of juggling motherhood with a 9-5 and content creation…then I’m diving into some deep-ass topics on self-development and mindset mastery.

That’s right, stoicism is my jam.

I guess it all started over 10 years ago when I found myself in a church basement, sitting in a circle of alcoholics, admitting to myself that I was an addict and that the only way to get my life under control was to start working on my “insides”. You know, as opposed to trying to change people, places, and things outside of me. Because when you step back and look at your life—all its events, all it ups and downs—you’ll realize that there is a common thread. And that common thread is YOU.

Now, imagine this. What if you could level up your internal world in such a way that ~regardless~ of what happens around you, whether mundane or catastrophic, you knew that you’d be able to handle it with grace? With class? That whatever life threw at you, you knew you’d be able to keep living, to keep doing the next right thing, to process emotions in a healthy way and be able to handle the worst of situations without going on a binge or some alcoholic rage?

The art of mastering life on life’s terms became kind of my passion. And I’m so frickin’ into it because every time I fall off the wagon—as humans do—when I’m able to remember the principles of accepting things I can’t control, I immediately see the results. The moment I stop letting stupid shit affect me… the moment I stop trying to control other people or inevitable events…the more internal peace I have. The more rational I become, and the more I’m able to stay calm and think through my options in a logical way, instead of acting on impulsive decisions.

The more I enjoy my life.

And it’s kinda cool that this week we’re talking about self-validation, because the act of showing yourself unconditional love and approval is a terrific example of something we absolutely can control. In a world where lots of things are clearly uncontrollable and you can’t do jack shit about it—guess what! You can always, 100% of the time, control YOURSELF.

Your beliefs, your thoughts, your attitudes.

You can choose to know your inherent worth and value so well that your brain literally won’t accept anything else. You’ll hear bad opinions and feel nothing. You’ll respond to haters with a blank face. You’ll hear someone question if you are deserving or worthy, and literally be confused—because it’d be like hearing someone question if the grass was green or the sky was blue. Like…uh, yeah, I’m worthy and valuable. It’s a fucking fact. Why can’t you see it? Your badassery and worthiness would just be THAT fucking undeniable for you.

So how do we do it? How do we dare to validate ourselves, unquestioningly, unconditionally, in a world that literally thrives and profits from telling people they’re not good enough?

And to answer this question, I want to invite you to sit down with me in the living room and observe a little girl playing with her toys…

The Unraveling of Our Worth

I noticed something interesting about my daughter the other day. It’s that whatever she wants, whatever she asks for, whatever she demands in the moment—she KNOWS she deserves it.

Like there’s no fucking question about it.

And if you defy her, if you explain to her it’s not possible, or you offer her some other alternative that’s not quite exactly what she wants, then she’ll get upset. She literally will NOT understand your point of view, even if it’s fact and plain as day: No baby, I can’t make you mac & cheese today because mommy needs to buy more. No baby, that’s actually a sheep in the book, not a doggie. Can you say “sheep”?

That girl won’t give two shits and will fucking defy you. Because whatever you’re saying, whatever is coming out of your mouth right now is just adult nonsense—What do you MEAN there’s no mac and cheese, go get some right now! What do you MEAN that’s a sheep, that’s 100% a dog!

Now of course, anyone who’s ever had a toddler will know that this is universal toddler behavior. It’s funny, and I like to laugh about it because it’s one of the most endearing things to me about this age. While others may construe it as selfishness, it’s actually normal and developmentally appropriate. It’ll take a few more years before my daughter can fully grasp the dual emotions, morality, and delayed gratification.

But for now, it serves as an amazing reminder of the raw, human state and how we were all born into the world.

That is…deserving. Entitled. And worthy. 

If a baby cries because they’re hungry for food, or warmth, or love, we don’t question it. We just GIVE it to them. That’s what they need. That’s what they deserve. And as those babies grow up and become toddlers, this innate knowing and worthiness carries on with them in the way they operate in the world. They move through their lives just knowing, without a doubt, that they deserve the utmost love and affection. They deserve the very best, and anyone who questions it, well—they’re fucking idiots, to say the least.

And all of this dawned on me one day as I was watching my daughter play. The way she commanded the space around her. The way she didn’t give a shit about time passing, the way she was utterly focused on the present moment, and her needs and wants.

She existed as someone who fucking deserved the world.

And how depressing is it that, as we grow into adults, this innate knowing of our worthiness is essentially…demolished?