What if the reason you’re suffering…

…is because you’re constantly trying to play God and FORCE something out of life?

Now here’s a radical thought—what if everything shitty going on in your life right now is actually working in your favor?

What if ultimately, in the long-run, it’s actually what’s meant to happen, and weeks, months, maybe years from now, you’ll look back and think, “Damn, I totally get it now. I understand the role that this circumstance had to play in the larger, grander scale of my life.”

The practice of letting go and trusting that life is playing out exactly as it should isn’t easy.

It doesn’t come naturally to us fickle humans, we creatures who enjoy instant gratification, profit, and total control.

But this approach is the key to happiness. 

It’s what sets apart the folks who keep their cool, calm, and joy no matter what life throws at them. It’s what sets apart the gals who are creative, flexible, and open-minded from those who insist things must always be done a certain way, or else.

I want to arm you with this knowledge because it’s one of the foundations to becoming a ~true~ untouchable babe.

So today, we’re diving into it.

Exactly how to live life on life’s terms, and how detachment and feminine energy will be your sidekicks to living your fullest, most unbothered life.

When Shit Hits the Fan

There’s a pattern I’ve noticed in my life.

Every time that shit hits the fan, I tend to take on a myopic view. My world closes in, and all I see and feel and hear and notice is…

The shit.

Whatever it is, and whatever the rough season is that I’m going through. And this makes sense, because this is how the survival part of our caveman brain works—our brain reacting to negative circumstances in this way was designed to keep us alive, once upon a time.

No, it makes sense that as humans, we close down and close IN to be intimate with the hard times. We HAVE to feel it, notice it, go through it, because oftentimes, the only way out is through. The only way out to relief and healing is to endure through…the thing.

So looking back on my life, that is the pattern that I’ve noticed.

Every time I am deep in the hard season—whatever it is, be it loss, heartbreak, disappointment—naturally, I feel like absolute shit. I can’t think about yesterday, or tomorrow, or even next week, because whatever it is I’m going through is just so fucking challenging, that I’m STEEPED in it.

Every fiber of my being is also FIGHTING the present moment and circumstance. Again, it’s normal human reaction, remnants of the caveman brain who wants to NOT be chased by a sabertooth tiger. It’s literally thinking, “This sucks, I don’t like how this feels, and I want out, right now.”

Life feels unfair, I ruminate for days on why something so awful could happen to such a good, decent person (at least, that’s how I perceive myself), and I do everything in my power—initially—to control or manipulate the situation to my advantage.

There are SO many things I have gone through that are objectively groundbreaking, tragic, and so difficult to cope with, but in every single instance, regardless of me being in pain and not quite understanding why these things were happening to me, I always discovered later on “the why”.

Why the tragedy or shitty thing had to happen.

• There was getting sober for the first time at the 21—the world’s greatest irony.

• There was going through a stillbirth with my first daughter. It was 2019 at the time and my daughter, Aya’s sister, had died in my womb at 6 months pregnant.

• There was my ex-husband’s affair the following year.

• There was the slow dissolution of my marriage, our unexpected rainbow pregnancy, my navigation of confusing emotions as I had that new baby but also eventual crippling PPD, and then—in rapid succession—unexpectedly becoming a single mom, and losing my job, money, and independence.

• Then, throw being a single woman again, for the first time in 10 years, on top of ALL of that.

I can confidently say that shit has hit MY personal fan multiple times in the past decade.

And every single time, it hurt. It stung.

But every single time, as time pressed on and so did I, there was always an epiphany, or at the very least, an acceptance and subsequent understanding of “the why”.

I had to get sober, because surviving that rock bottom and learning the principles I did in recovery would set the groundwork for being able to endure what came next.

My daughter had to die, because if she had lived, my ex and I would’ve struggled to provide for her. At the time, we lived overseas in Korea, and I was the only one with legal rights to work. We were already barely scraping by in a little studio apartment that the school I taught at was subsidizing. Had we had our daughter, I likely would not have been able to keep working, and life likely would’ve become very, very difficult.

My husband’s affair had to happen, as it would be one of the turning points that would eventually start to open my eyes that this relationship wasn’t right for me.

The birth of our next daughter, the breakdown of my marriage, and losing everything that was close to me, all in a matter of months—as it was all happening, it seemed like a punishment from the universe. Like it wasn’t enough that God had already stripped me of my first child, my feelings of security in a relationship I once found solace in—suffering a loss, and an affair, and PPD and a divorce and on and on on, in rapid succession, was literally SO much to go through in such a short amount time, it was almost comical.

Yet, despite it all, I can confidently say that it ALL had to happen.

Because if it hadn’t, well—you wouldn’t be reading this right now. I wouldn’t be here today, with the beliefs and attitudes and goals and dreams and ambitions that I currently do.

It took me losing everything to find myself again.

Sure, each of these experiences initially sucked, but the common trend that always happens in my life without fail, is that I always end up with this deep understanding. The WHY.

It’s like your life is a movie. And when you’re going through and feeling pain from a specific experience, it’s because you’re stuck with your eyes glued to just one frame of the reel. But, if you were to zoom out and actually see the entire “movie” of your life, it would suddenly all make sense. As the “movie” progresses, previous events start to make sense, events start to connect together, reasons are explained, and we get the closure we need at the end.

And—life is no different.

Things always end up feeling a lot easier and more peaceful when I stop swimming against the tide. When I stop fighting, let go, float to the surface, and allow myself to fully just BE in the current season. When I tell myself, whatever is happening, no matter how hard or terrifying it is, at some point, I will understand why it happened, and more than likely this understanding will add value to my life or teach me some lesson.

In other words, I’m choosing to believe that whatever is happening to me is ALWAYS working out in my favor.

Now there are nuances of this that we’ll explore. “Letting go” and “going with the flow of life” does NOT mean that bypassing normal human emotions. It does NOT mean becoming a lazy, indifferent doormat without goals or ambitions, because I’m now just laying back and letting life “happen to me”.

I want to discuss two principles in particular that support this notion of life, the universe, god—however you want to refer to your higher power—as always wanting the best for you and things ALWAYS working out, uniquely, in your divine favor. Even if IN the actual moment, you can’t really understand how, or why, yet.

1. First, detachment—understanding that life and all its events are simply just occurrences, neither good nor bad, and we as humans are the ones who assign meaning and importance to the events of life. Therefore, by this logic, we have the power to interpret anything that happens to us as something that is always happening in our favor. Pretty cool, right?

2. And second, feminine energy—the state of being/receiving/trusting our intuition and nature’s natural order in the world.

I believe both principles are necessary in order to fully live life on life’s terms.